Fear 7:59:00 AM

Right now I’m feeling very scared. I don’t know why the sudden rush but I very afraid. I feel dirty and sick. I don’t know. I think there’s a problem with me. Whenever I think about germs and bacteria I feel disgusted. As if I’m shouting inside. I’ve just read this article about germs and bacterial and how it becomes a phobia.. I think I’m having mysophobia I use to joke about it and stuff but they were explaining about the emotional fear and pain, which one has to go through, which is so true. I don’t know man.
What if I was sent to some mental ward?? But I can’t help myself. For an example, I won’t open doors with my hands. If I’m eating out, I’ll use the left-handed side of the mug because that’s cleaner I guess. I’ll sanitise the table. If I’m in the public toilet I won’t touch the cubical doors, I bring my own pen along with me so that when I sign my receipts I don’t have to use the one they supply. I prefer to pay my credit than cash, and I won’t lean against the glass panel in busses or trains.

I hate this. But I can’t help myself. I feel like lilian and my parents are irritated with me about this. I just wish I could like have a normal life. I don’t know, my dad was piss with me just now because I was wiping the remote with hydrogen peroxide. I mean I can’t help myself. I like things to be clean. I feel weird if I don’t clean or when something is not clean. It’s like, I can feel it’s not clean.
I wish someone would understand how I feel….
Hmmm….

Jimmy's Birthday 4:57:00 AM

Yesterday was such a nice day. Clara, Lilian and I gave Jeremy a birthday treat at Kenny Rogers. I suggested Kenny Rogers because jimmy love chicken hahahaha… so anyways we made out way to down to the east cost outlet. Yea dinner was really good. After dinner we had cake and I had gotten the relightable candles… hahhaha

So here are the pics we took.











Okay this is the part where Lil caked Jeremy. Hahaha it was really a good one!



Here's another,

Just thinking of you. 6:57:00 AM

Okay, I cannot believe my holidays are finally here…. I don’t know, but I’m feeling abit down. Jeremy just came by my place I went to help Clara in the afternoon.
Anyways, I’m feeling really sad now. Just don’t know why all the sudden. I miss my sis really bad. I haven’t spent time with her for weeks. Yea I’m feeling like I’m loosing her as I think she might be settling down soon. hmmm…

On the other hand I miss Andrew. He’s so far out in the middle of the sea, and home, don’t know if that place is save and everything. I can’t wait for him to be back. Sometime I don’t know what I’ll do without him. Hmmmm

I don’t know, sometimes I feel lil and I don’t need to talk much to communicate with each other, but yea… I miss spending time with her. Like we use to chill in town and just walk endlessly in the city! I love that! I guess she slept early because of her work and stuff at starbucks. Yea it’s seriously tiring, I’m so proud of her. Hope by the time she gets back to school, she’ll get use to with the workflow.

CORNELL!!! I miss that child la. I can never stop missing her la hahahhaa… I really seriously miss the time we use to chill till like there’s no tomorrow. Like she use to come by my place and cycle at night to go and have supper. Hahahha I love the time where we would laugh and laugh till we piss in our pants and if there no more piss, will just drop onto the floor crying in pain.

Jimmy tucy and I are going for supper tomorrow. I can’t wait. I really like to roller blade to JK although I’ll cry in pain with blisters on my feet when I get back. It’s just thins nice feeling where the both of us will chit chat about stuff while we have the morning dew. It’s nice! Jimmy says it makes his hair soft. What rubbish!!!! He’s just one of a kind. One of a kind!

Well hopefully this holiday will be a great one!!!! Hahahhaa I love you guys!

K2 12:51:00 AM

Oh gosh I just realise that my skates are screwed. So yea. I’m thinking of getting a new one… it’s the Roller Blade Twister III…. My last one was the K2 vert one. I was thinking of getting a blade runner or Twister III but I taught, what the hack just get the twister III. Hahahha


This is Twister III





apparently the nuts broke like a million times and non of the wheels are round anymore....

Mid- autumn 12:12:00 AM

Okay yesterday was like a really cool day! We went to the beach to celebrate mid-autumn festival. Lilian brought the lanterns and moon cakes and jimmy brought the drinks. Yea we had a really good night. We ate moon cakes under the moon lilted night, which was surprising really bright. Hahahha it was a good festival in such a long time. Hahaha

Jks 4:15:00 AM

Okay this was like yesterday night. Jimmy and I went to Jk for supper. Was great! Hahaha well today its another shag day. Went to get Devin’s birthday’s stuff… okay I’m dead tired now, blog tmr.

Look deeper 4:14:00 AM

I don’t know. I it makes sad that you think of me that way. I guess you still don’t know me that well. You say your life is difficult, what’s life if there’s no up and downs? No mater how much I do, you’ll never be satisfied. You always take things for granted. You’re a good person. But it’s like no mater how much I do, it’s never enough. Nothing is ever enough. You can’t expect me to see you everyday, or hold your hand everywhere I go? I think need a time apart. There’s so much that is going on around me, and you’re disappointed because I don’t pay enough attention to you? Things are critical now.

All I’m asking is to give me a break from all this…

You’re better than this.

Right now, it’s  .

Is this really


what you want


to be doing


right now?

“What is this?”
It’s an undistraction by Merlin Mann.
Reinvent this idea how ever works for you.
Then kindly get back to work.

8GB 4:22:00 AM

Okay I just got up from a 7 hour nap. Now it’s 4.11am in the morning. Well yesterday was not a good day for me. It was such devastating day, I lost 8GB of my life. Well here was how it started out. I woke up at 7.30am and went to school. I attended all my lessons in such a long time. And after my break I had industrial electronic class, and that’s when someone stole 8GB of my life. Sorry I can’t say what’s that 8GB about because it was a gift from someone and I have yet to tell that person. I’m am so piss. Hmmm… what comes around goes around right?

Anyways I’m thinking of getting an ipod classic soon. I have had it with Creative mp3 and Macintosh. They can never get along. I tried my best, but they really can seem to get along.

Great, I don’t think I can sleep anymore, so I’m just going to watch some primetime entertainment now.

Chows!

24hrs awakeners 11:24:00 PM

OMG!!! Today is such a happing day! Well since I couldn’t sleep last night I went to school and reach there on time. Jimmy called me early in the morning complaining that he doesn’t have school… what the hell?? That’s Jeremy for you. Had to do like some electronic circuits and I couldn’t get the light bulb to light up so I just copied from my friend. I guess I’m loosing my touch. Hahaha well whatever

Meet Lilly at compass, had lunch. Than came back to change and headed straight to town to meet Nell at the train station. Lilly went to get her jab at the private clinic. After all that painfully stuff we went to Burger Queen to have a drink as we were dying of thirst. Sat there and chi chatted for like ah hour and guess what? It started to rain. We were stuck but we manage to get through using the underpass.

When we got back to my place, we went to aunty Angie place for some neighbourhood prayer. They mass was very sweet and nice had dinner and stuff. So long didn’t see Fiona, Consie and Adrian. We left quite early cause Nell had to go off and Lilly could not stay out too late. Well that was it.

Well now for the best part, Lilly made me that picture album for our 1-year anniversary!!! It so sweet! Thanks babe! Love you!

Autumn's morning glory 6:53:00 AM

Oh well now it’s six in the morning, I couldn’t sleep last night. Yesterday I went over to jimmy’s place to help him with his project. Than we had dinner. Hahaha so much for an exciting day huh? The night before that he came over and we watch Freedom Writters and Never Back Down. Freedom Writers is a really good movie. I love it!

Well today I’m going to school at 11 alothugh I start at 8, because I really don’t want to go for PE. It sucks. Whatever.

I miss lilly. I’m going to meet her tomorrow! I can’t wait! Hehehe and Cornell is meeting me too! Coolness! Dru is leaving for work today. He flight is at 8am. Hmmm gonna miss him. Hmm… well when he’s back, we’ll have one hell of a party!!


Gosh I have so many things to do. First I got my projects at school, next is my work; the website. Third is I’m planning my class bbq and last is all the other daily shits that I got to go through.

I’m so freaking stress! I swear this Christmas I’m going to take a time-out! I need a freaking break.

Time really past fast. Can you believe it’s going to be one year? Well it was a wonderful trip around the sun, and I hope to have many more wonderful trips with her. Haha you know who you are!!

Sometimes I sit back and think, where is my life leading me? What if I fail in life or am I just shattering my own future right now? Life is so freaking hard to predict. Hmmm… what if I can’t provide for my love ones in the future? I don’t want to be this failure or loser. I’m so scared of losing any of them. I’m really scared right now.
What if I make a mistake? Will you forgive me? Or can I even forgive myself?
Hmm… why does it seem to be so unfair and unpredictable?

Well that's life! Have a great September everyone!!

A maiden born when autumn leaves
Are rustling in September's breeze,
A Sapphire on her brow should bind;
To bring her joy and peace of mind.