Fear 7:59:00 AM

Right now I’m feeling very scared. I don’t know why the sudden rush but I very afraid. I feel dirty and sick. I don’t know. I think there’s a problem with me. Whenever I think about germs and bacteria I feel disgusted. As if I’m shouting inside. I’ve just read this article about germs and bacterial and how it becomes a phobia.. I think I’m having mysophobia I use to joke about it and stuff but they were explaining about the emotional fear and pain, which one has to go through, which is so true. I don’t know man.
What if I was sent to some mental ward?? But I can’t help myself. For an example, I won’t open doors with my hands. If I’m eating out, I’ll use the left-handed side of the mug because that’s cleaner I guess. I’ll sanitise the table. If I’m in the public toilet I won’t touch the cubical doors, I bring my own pen along with me so that when I sign my receipts I don’t have to use the one they supply. I prefer to pay my credit than cash, and I won’t lean against the glass panel in busses or trains.

I hate this. But I can’t help myself. I feel like lilian and my parents are irritated with me about this. I just wish I could like have a normal life. I don’t know, my dad was piss with me just now because I was wiping the remote with hydrogen peroxide. I mean I can’t help myself. I like things to be clean. I feel weird if I don’t clean or when something is not clean. It’s like, I can feel it’s not clean.
I wish someone would understand how I feel….
Hmmm….

Jimmy's Birthday 4:57:00 AM

Yesterday was such a nice day. Clara, Lilian and I gave Jeremy a birthday treat at Kenny Rogers. I suggested Kenny Rogers because jimmy love chicken hahahaha… so anyways we made out way to down to the east cost outlet. Yea dinner was really good. After dinner we had cake and I had gotten the relightable candles… hahhaha

So here are the pics we took.











Okay this is the part where Lil caked Jeremy. Hahaha it was really a good one!



Here's another,

Just thinking of you. 6:57:00 AM

Okay, I cannot believe my holidays are finally here…. I don’t know, but I’m feeling abit down. Jeremy just came by my place I went to help Clara in the afternoon.
Anyways, I’m feeling really sad now. Just don’t know why all the sudden. I miss my sis really bad. I haven’t spent time with her for weeks. Yea I’m feeling like I’m loosing her as I think she might be settling down soon. hmmm…

On the other hand I miss Andrew. He’s so far out in the middle of the sea, and home, don’t know if that place is save and everything. I can’t wait for him to be back. Sometime I don’t know what I’ll do without him. Hmmmm

I don’t know, sometimes I feel lil and I don’t need to talk much to communicate with each other, but yea… I miss spending time with her. Like we use to chill in town and just walk endlessly in the city! I love that! I guess she slept early because of her work and stuff at starbucks. Yea it’s seriously tiring, I’m so proud of her. Hope by the time she gets back to school, she’ll get use to with the workflow.

CORNELL!!! I miss that child la. I can never stop missing her la hahahhaa… I really seriously miss the time we use to chill till like there’s no tomorrow. Like she use to come by my place and cycle at night to go and have supper. Hahahha I love the time where we would laugh and laugh till we piss in our pants and if there no more piss, will just drop onto the floor crying in pain.

Jimmy tucy and I are going for supper tomorrow. I can’t wait. I really like to roller blade to JK although I’ll cry in pain with blisters on my feet when I get back. It’s just thins nice feeling where the both of us will chit chat about stuff while we have the morning dew. It’s nice! Jimmy says it makes his hair soft. What rubbish!!!! He’s just one of a kind. One of a kind!

Well hopefully this holiday will be a great one!!!! Hahahhaa I love you guys!

K2 12:51:00 AM

Oh gosh I just realise that my skates are screwed. So yea. I’m thinking of getting a new one… it’s the Roller Blade Twister III…. My last one was the K2 vert one. I was thinking of getting a blade runner or Twister III but I taught, what the hack just get the twister III. Hahahha


This is Twister III





apparently the nuts broke like a million times and non of the wheels are round anymore....

Mid- autumn 12:12:00 AM

Okay yesterday was like a really cool day! We went to the beach to celebrate mid-autumn festival. Lilian brought the lanterns and moon cakes and jimmy brought the drinks. Yea we had a really good night. We ate moon cakes under the moon lilted night, which was surprising really bright. Hahahha it was a good festival in such a long time. Hahaha

Jks 4:15:00 AM

Okay this was like yesterday night. Jimmy and I went to Jk for supper. Was great! Hahaha well today its another shag day. Went to get Devin’s birthday’s stuff… okay I’m dead tired now, blog tmr.

Look deeper 4:14:00 AM

I don’t know. I it makes sad that you think of me that way. I guess you still don’t know me that well. You say your life is difficult, what’s life if there’s no up and downs? No mater how much I do, you’ll never be satisfied. You always take things for granted. You’re a good person. But it’s like no mater how much I do, it’s never enough. Nothing is ever enough. You can’t expect me to see you everyday, or hold your hand everywhere I go? I think need a time apart. There’s so much that is going on around me, and you’re disappointed because I don’t pay enough attention to you? Things are critical now.

All I’m asking is to give me a break from all this…

You’re better than this.

Right now, it’s  .

Is this really


what you want


to be doing


right now?

“What is this?”
It’s an undistraction by Merlin Mann.
Reinvent this idea how ever works for you.
Then kindly get back to work.

8GB 4:22:00 AM

Okay I just got up from a 7 hour nap. Now it’s 4.11am in the morning. Well yesterday was not a good day for me. It was such devastating day, I lost 8GB of my life. Well here was how it started out. I woke up at 7.30am and went to school. I attended all my lessons in such a long time. And after my break I had industrial electronic class, and that’s when someone stole 8GB of my life. Sorry I can’t say what’s that 8GB about because it was a gift from someone and I have yet to tell that person. I’m am so piss. Hmmm… what comes around goes around right?

Anyways I’m thinking of getting an ipod classic soon. I have had it with Creative mp3 and Macintosh. They can never get along. I tried my best, but they really can seem to get along.

Great, I don’t think I can sleep anymore, so I’m just going to watch some primetime entertainment now.

Chows!

24hrs awakeners 11:24:00 PM

OMG!!! Today is such a happing day! Well since I couldn’t sleep last night I went to school and reach there on time. Jimmy called me early in the morning complaining that he doesn’t have school… what the hell?? That’s Jeremy for you. Had to do like some electronic circuits and I couldn’t get the light bulb to light up so I just copied from my friend. I guess I’m loosing my touch. Hahaha well whatever

Meet Lilly at compass, had lunch. Than came back to change and headed straight to town to meet Nell at the train station. Lilly went to get her jab at the private clinic. After all that painfully stuff we went to Burger Queen to have a drink as we were dying of thirst. Sat there and chi chatted for like ah hour and guess what? It started to rain. We were stuck but we manage to get through using the underpass.

When we got back to my place, we went to aunty Angie place for some neighbourhood prayer. They mass was very sweet and nice had dinner and stuff. So long didn’t see Fiona, Consie and Adrian. We left quite early cause Nell had to go off and Lilly could not stay out too late. Well that was it.

Well now for the best part, Lilly made me that picture album for our 1-year anniversary!!! It so sweet! Thanks babe! Love you!

Autumn's morning glory 6:53:00 AM

Oh well now it’s six in the morning, I couldn’t sleep last night. Yesterday I went over to jimmy’s place to help him with his project. Than we had dinner. Hahaha so much for an exciting day huh? The night before that he came over and we watch Freedom Writters and Never Back Down. Freedom Writers is a really good movie. I love it!

Well today I’m going to school at 11 alothugh I start at 8, because I really don’t want to go for PE. It sucks. Whatever.

I miss lilly. I’m going to meet her tomorrow! I can’t wait! Hehehe and Cornell is meeting me too! Coolness! Dru is leaving for work today. He flight is at 8am. Hmmm gonna miss him. Hmm… well when he’s back, we’ll have one hell of a party!!


Gosh I have so many things to do. First I got my projects at school, next is my work; the website. Third is I’m planning my class bbq and last is all the other daily shits that I got to go through.

I’m so freaking stress! I swear this Christmas I’m going to take a time-out! I need a freaking break.

Time really past fast. Can you believe it’s going to be one year? Well it was a wonderful trip around the sun, and I hope to have many more wonderful trips with her. Haha you know who you are!!

Sometimes I sit back and think, where is my life leading me? What if I fail in life or am I just shattering my own future right now? Life is so freaking hard to predict. Hmmm… what if I can’t provide for my love ones in the future? I don’t want to be this failure or loser. I’m so scared of losing any of them. I’m really scared right now.
What if I make a mistake? Will you forgive me? Or can I even forgive myself?
Hmm… why does it seem to be so unfair and unpredictable?

Well that's life! Have a great September everyone!!

A maiden born when autumn leaves
Are rustling in September's breeze,
A Sapphire on her brow should bind;
To bring her joy and peace of mind.

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. 5:38:00 AM

Okay I still can't sleep, I just saw this old post on Lilly's blog. It's a misattributed quote by Mother Teresa. It's really sweet. 

People are often unreasonable,

Illogical and self-centred;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,

People may accuse you

of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,

You will win some false friends

and

some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,

People may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,

Someone could destroy

overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and

happines,

They may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,

People will often forget

tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you

have,

And it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've

got ayway

You see, in the final analysis,

It is between you and God;

It is never between you and

them anyway.

Mother Teresa

A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip 5:00:00 AM

Oh gosh, what a week man. It feels like my birthday started on Saturday and ended today. I really had a blast of the year man!! THANKS GUYS FOR EVERYTHING!!

Saturday, we had a party at my place. Had loads of food and drinks. We really went crazy. Freaking police came like 3 times I guess. Hahaha they wanted to confiscate my sound system. Wtf.! Fucking neighbours la… hahhaa we’ve been used to that since young. Every party we have, confirm the police will come.

So theses dogs came and we couldn’t party in the living room anymore so we moved to my bedroom hahahaha it really went crazy to the wee hours of morning. I feel asleep and go up half a day later with a hang over.


Tuesday was my birthday; we went to Boon Tong Kee for dinner. Food was fucking great! And we went to the movies after that. hahaha Sharon came home around 3am and she surprise me with a cake. Hahaha so sweet la. It was a cheesecake!!! Love it!!

Oh ya lilly got me two dashboard confessional cds!!! It was their old albums!!! And she design this little card which it make out of a cassette tape. What rubbish rite… thanks babe! It was one hell of a day.

Now I just got back from town. Jimmy and I went to watch Wall. E. He gave me a birthday treat! We went to Swensen’s for dinner and was great! We found a membership card in-between the pages of the menu and had a complimentary drink and they gave us the wrong ice cream and we and two complimentary scoops of ice cream! How cool is that??!! hahaha

Yea, Wall. E was good! Thx jimmy!!!


That you guys for everything! I really had a blast!

I would just need some help.... 4:09:00 AM

I just give up right now. I can’t take it any more… School is like shit, life like shit and I’m so lost where I wanna go about everything else. I’ve screwed everything up.

I really feel like shit now. Can I just run away? All theses stupid stress and shit is driving me crazy. I just flared up at jimmy and I know I shouldn’t but … lets just fuck it. hmmm we should just refrain from speaking of another's faults until we are sure that we have none of our own.

This is like the worst week I had this whole year. Seriously. I really don’t feel like celebrating my birthday, my mum made a party, but I feel like running away. I just want to be alone….

I have had it with this world. All the shits that you do just go down the drain. I mean there are great times but life is really unfair! This is stupid.

Well things could have been worst.


A friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else.

There are so many things that are left unsaid. I’m so tired of these streetlights and this madness that is going on. I can’t take this stress any longer, and this pain that is in me. I got to be honest; I’m really sick and tired of everything. I look into the mirror and I don’t know this person anymore. I feel that I’m carrying the weight of everything; can’t you just cut me some slack? Hmmm. Man why can’t things just be like yesterday? Why is there this emptiness in our relationship? It will just keep getting bigger with the things that are left unsaid. I feel like a shitload right now. Why do I feel like a villain when I did no wrong? I can’t believe that we are going through all of theses once again. Well,

Hopefully we can find some comfort.

Today 3:16:00 AM

Okay today, was alright. I ate the worst lamb chop I ever tasted in my life for lunch. I was doing nothing in class for 4 hours, was online and didn’t have anybody to talk to. Friends and I was just surfing youtube there’s like so many cool videos on that site, just got to find it. Was watching family guy. Hahahas

Well that dumb bitch teacher of mine told me to go for a hair cut, but I overslept in the evening so tmr I can’t go to school. Well I just saw the text Andrew send me, damn I feel so bad that you guys wanted to watch a movie. So sorry guys, I was to shag when I got home. And I’m still having this darn cough! Fuck it’s been one week.

Oh this is the video I took at marina square were we watched the fireworks hahahas

Best week ever 2:19:00 AM

HEY OMG… everything is moving so fast for the past few days la! I can’t believe it’s going to be one week since singfest! I still can’t get over it

The Sunday performance was awesome! Jeremy join us for the second day. Jason Mraz was AWESOME! Especially I’m Yours, he also sang Three Little Birds!!! How cool is that?! Pussy Cat Dolls was good also, but the best of the best was my beloved Alicia Keys!!! Her performance brought the house down! It was like too perfect! WOO-HOO! I loved it when she sang No One! OMFg

Yea Singfest was too awesome man. It was really my best weekend of the year so far! I hope next year will be good!

So anyways I just got back from the movies with jimmy, lily & dru. We went downtown to catch The Mummy. Hahahas the show was alright la. Not too bad. Yea.

Oh ya, cornell came over yesterday night. We had a movie night. We wanted to watch Singapore Ghost Stories but we ended up watching Meet The Spartans. We had my darling Grey Goose! hahahahs

So yea now I’m going to bed. Tomorrow I got to go to school before I become a collage drop out. My attendance is super low for this semester.
Gosh! Where is life leading me? I love living it!!!

SINGFEST DAY 2 2:56:00 AM

OH MY FUCKING GOD! TODAY WAS SUPER AWESOME!!!! LORD THANK YOU! ARRRGGGHHH!!!!
MAN, I'M TO SHAG TO BLOG NOW. I CAN'T EVEN THINK STRAIGHT! I'LL CATCH YOU TOMORROW!

IF YOU DIDN'T GO FOR SINGFEST, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING BALLS!!!!

SINGFEST! DAY 1 4:28:00 AM

SINGFEST WAS TODAY!!! OMG I saw Simple Plan Live!!!! I was jumping super near them!!! OMG today was one hell day!

First off, we got there around 1, we grab burger king at PS than we watched A Vacant Affair perform followed by Saw Loser. After that we decided to go to stage 1. So while we were waiting for the doors to be open, we came across this garage band game thinging. I told lily to go give it a shot! Hahahas it was damn cool.

so the first performance was DEAREST. I really hated them. First, the weather was scotching hot, and the lead singer was wearing a blazer and a scarf. He keep complaining it was hot. Come on man??? Use your freakin brains!
And he can’t sing live

Rating */5

Than CROWNED KING played! Totally cool!! Hahahas I don’t listen to them, but their performance was really good.

Rating ***/5

Next up was MELANIE SUBONO. Gosh! I hated her! She is so annoying I swear! Since she step on stage she kept bragging about girl power. I mean the first few time she said it was funny and all right but after that it started to get annoying. She kept saying how women are better than men. I mean what the hell; it’s singfest! Not some political sexist debate! Stupid.
Oh, one more thing, she ruined the song Bizarre Love Triangle. She covered it.

Rating none/5

Next on the line was NEW FOUND GLORY!!! They were super cool man! Finally! Hahahas there was this guy right in front of the mosh pit and he shouted, “I know now to play this song!” so the lead singer called him up and pass him the guitar!!! He played really cool and sang as well!!! He is really lucky!

Rating *****/5


MELEE was up next; I like one song from them. But overall they were cool. I like Ricky!!

Rating ****/5

After that performance we grab food. We had hot dog, which cost $6 for one, and kebabs that cost $10 each. But yea… oh yea we had beer and Bacardi through out the day.

I miss the Levis Fashion Show as I went to get food; you can go ask lil.

Darng darng!!! LOSTPROPHETS!!! Superb! It was totally cool man I love their performance! They had like hunge banners hung at the back of the stage and everything look so so so cool!

Rating *****/5

Than came my beloved SIMPLE PLAN! I went insane! I ran to the mosh pit and started jumping hahhaas it was totally AWESOME!!!! i really love them

Rating *********** awwww!!!!

TRAVIS did the closing. I liked their songs but I was to shag to enjoy it. I fell asleep infact. I was really too shag by the time they played. I guess it was the simple plan! Hahahas

Rating ****/5

Over all, singfest was super super cool! I wanted to catch the other local bands; but I can’t possibly be at two places. so yea.

After the concert we met Jimmy at Dhoby Ghaut, we went for a drink at my sis pub. After that we bought food and headed back. Super cool day

LETS SEE WHAT HAS BEEN INSTALLED FOR US TOMORROW!


Today's Quote: There's only one thing better than music, live music.

(All pictures from Singfest will be posted up on Judebrian.photoshop.com)