If I Could Tell You 2:30:00 AM

When I see you in the morning
it brightens up my day
there are so many thoughts on my mind
so many words I want to say

I want to tell you how I feel
but the words I can not find
they're all mixed up with my thoughts
that are running through my mind

I've been keeping it locked up
because I know there's not a chance
you never look my way
you don't even take a glance

You don't even know you're doing this
toying with my heart
I wish I could just tell you
but I don't know where to start

Should I tell you how much you mean to me
or how bad I want to be with you
if I were to say these things
how would you react, what would you do

Would you never talk to me again
would you never look my way
that would just bring me back
to where I am today

Then I'd start all over
and choose a different route
to make you understand
my feelings that want out

I don't know what to do
or even how to say
maybe I should lock it up
and keep myself away

My heart would ache even more
but maybe for the good
I just really want to tell you
only if I could.

Truth Number Fourteen-Feelings Never Go Away. They Just Get Buried And Resurface At The Most Unexpected Moments...

In Between 2:02:00 AM

Between love and friendship
I'm waving like a lost ship
Between black and white
Grey takes away my sight

Between doubt and certitude
How can I have such an attitude?
I no more bear the confusion
Tell me is it truth or illusion?

I was dreaming when there came
A strange feeling I can not name
Since long you've been my only mate
My soul only you can penetrate

Inside me only you can see
Like sugar in a cup of tea
Like the door knows the key
Like the flower waits the bee

Today it is clearly seen
In between I should never have been
To a strong feeling you were blind
Something your eyes no longer hide

To your love I can fake
Not knowing my heart you can break

:P 12:32:00 AM

 Jesus was walking along one day, when He came upon a group of people surrounding a lady of ill repute. It was obvious that the crowd was preparing to stone her, so Jesus made His now-famous statement, "Let the person who has no sin cast the first stone."

The crowd was shamed and one by one began to turn away. All of a sudden, a lovely little woman made her way through the crowd. Finally getting to the front, she tossed a pebble towards the woman.
Jesus looks over and says, "I really hate it when you do that,
Mom."

Blood rush 8:46:00 PM

It hurts when you leave.. Can we rewind the hands of time to back where we were always together?.. You've change my life.

I wish time would stop 8:22:00 PM

What a week, fridays that were not as planned. Jeremy was suppose to book out today but he had confinement... I'm kinda sad, hope he's doing well. hmmm.. Well there's always the next long weekend.
Right now I'm just chilling at home with lilly. It's been awhile since we spent time together.. maybe tonight we'll do something.. Well that's all that has been happening beside the fact of boring school.. hmmm..


Caught in the middle.

Lord Jesus and Guardian Angels, watch over those whose names you can read in my heart. Guard over them with every care and make their way easy and their labours fruitful. Dry their tears if they weep; sanctify their joys; raise their courage if they weaken; restore their hope if they lose heart, their health if they be ill, truth if they err, repentance if they fail.        Amen.

Clouds are beautiful. 12:29:00 AM

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over. I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you're doing... I'm sorry I can't help myself, I'm in love with you..

"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship. "

only fools rush in.. 2:07:00 PM

Scream my heart out, break it, hurt it. I don't want to have it.


Not anymore.

Your making me insane 3:47:00 AM

Leave me alone now, let me think.

Bromance 2:29:00 AM

There are moments in my life that dreams can be so real that you just want to pick them up and embrace them; only to wake up and realise it's just reality playing a game on you.  It's funny how life brings you where you are right now with the choices that you've made. “They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much as I'm missing you right now”


A feeling that cannot be explain only to be felt by one, it is such a complicated expression of the love that I have in me. Sometimes I see you, it feels so real but I know its a figment of my imagination, it is what I want you to be.  Well it's not what's in your mind, it is what's in your heart that I see.

I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with eachother; for those were some of the best times of my life.

The joy of meeting pays the pangs of absence; else who could bear it? 12:20:00 AM

I can't stand it anymore, emotions are driving me out of my mind. I just don't know what to do, or how to stop it. Why dose my past keeps coming back to haunt me? I know what the logical answer is, but some part of me just can't accept that.  Maybe its time I do something about it? Will someone please take a knife and stab my heart, the pain that I'm feeling might just go away.






Maybe in another life time, or universe. 

Covenant Thursday 3:56:00 AM

This year Maundy Thursday was nice, we manager to go around 6 churches only... Had lots of hot cross buns. yea.. Tomorrow will be the same, saint Joseph's for the procession than comes Saturday Easter vigil! :) Can't wait for it. haha

Okay, now I'm just shag, so goodnight internet people..

Bonds of trusts 11:18:00 PM

My mind is in a whirl, only to be understood by someone, who appears to be insane to the universe. Because this is what people do, they judge. from the path chosen to the colour of clouds a reigning in your sky. This is a sad place where acceptance exists only in gorgeous dreams. No where near my heart is peace; expect for a brief few moments of escape which will be cherished for as long as the beauty of the ocean shall live.


And where that beauty resides, shall the memories everlasting be a constant reminder of the most divine yet uninhibited expression of euphoria. 

- Anonymous   

Its not the things you've said, it's those you didn't. 12:09:00 AM

This month has not been a good month for me, alot of things has happen and is happening, and is not stopping just yet. Everything is just going wrong. 

Sometimes the people closest to you hurt you the most. They say things that you could never imagine, do things that you'd never do. Well what can I do but try to forgive? I'm tired of trying to make things at peace all the time, be treated as a doormat, and just be used when needed. That just shows how much I mean to you; how much you really care. Well I don't think I need someone like that so please just go, I'd do better without you.

"True colours are shown not by the biggest of things, but the tiniest."

Poem? 5:01:00 AM

Read this little poem, I love it. No, I didn't write it


If i dont call you

[ Its because im waiting for you to call me ]

When i walk away from you mad

[ Follow me ]

When i stare at your mouth

[ Kiss me ]

When i push you or hit you

[ Grab me and dont let go ]

When i call you and say i cant sleep

[stay on the phone till i go to sleep]

When i start cussing at you

[ Kiss me and tell me you love me ]

When im quiet

[ Ask me whats wrong ]

When i ignore you

[ Give me your attention ]

When i pull away

[ Pull me back ]

When you see me at my worst

[ Tell me im beautiful ]

When you see me start crying

[ Hold me and tell me everything will be alright ]

When you see me walking

[ Sneak up and hug my waist from behind ]

When im scared

[ Protect me ]

When i lay my head on your shoulder

[ Tilt my head up and kiss me ]

When i grab at your hands

[ Hold mine and play with my fingers ]

When i tease you

[ Tease me back and make me laugh ]

When i dont answer for a long time

[ reassure me that everything is okay ]

When i look at you with doubt

[ Back yourself up ]

When i say that i love you

[ I really do more than you could understand ]

When i bump into you

[ bump into me back and make me laugh ]

When i tell you a secret

[ keep it safe and untold ]

When i look at you in your eyes

[ dont look away until i do ]

When i miss you

[ im hurting inside ]

When you break my heart

[ the pain never really goes away ]

When i say its over

[ i still want you to be mine ]

this is painfully obvious. 6:41:00 PM

I wish I could tell all of you my secret, maybe in the next life. 

maybe you're not worth it.

Silence 5:58:00 PM

I thought that I knew you

But now I'm not sure

You used to be friendly

But not anymore

Each day we grow farther

Apart and I'm sad

We used to be best friends

The best I ever had.

At some point things changed

And our lives split apart

I miss you so much

In my life – In my heart.

Sometimes things must happen

And friends drift away

I wish it weren't us

I wish not this way...

Your beautiful soul. 5:19:00 AM

What a week.. I just met Jimmy Jim jim just now, we went to have dinner at Chomp Comp.. Freaking bus too like forever to get there. Had a good dinner with him.
The last few days Sharon asked me to bake a cake last minute; which is in a shape of 30!! God I almost killed myself if without the help of Lillykerniweeeeee!! Hahahha all in all it was good.
I cant wait for monday and Friday!! :)

Would you be my best friend and follow me
through this never ending drama called life?
I believe we only have to go through it once.
It won't be a smooth journey that's what I've been told,
there's back-stabbers, liars and crooks along the way.
I'd watch your back every minute, but would you watch mine?
There's going to be happy moments too; one of them is 
spending time with you. Well that's all I know about this journey, so would you follow me and and find out together?


Photo Caption:
"My husband is the best friend I've ever had, and I'm the best friend he's ever had. We know we can always rely on each other, like we can on no one else. My pool of friends has slowly whittled down over the years, as person after person flaked out on me or proved themselves to be unreliable or too self-involved to really be able to give me back as much as they expected in return.
But not him. He gives me everything he has, without question, and I give him back just as much...and so neither of us really loses anything despite giving everything.
Instead, we gain. And that's love. Giving your whole self away, but being richer for it."

-Artful Magpie 

Fearless 7:55:00 AM

It's a typical Tuesday night and she doesn't get your humor like I do.
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like and she'll never know your story like I do.


Graduation later in the afternoon, anxiety is possessing me.. The sun is beautiful today.

Love, the sand by the shore. 8:08:00 AM

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same."

There's something about you and the beach that I don't think I'll ever understand... Shall we just sit here and watch the sun set??

The footprints that you left me are still warm in my heart every time I think of you. Clasping our hands beneath the sands, laying here under stars with all our dreams; now, that's a wonderful night...

Someday all this would happen.

Remembering Sunday 6:16:00 PM

I still see you every night..

Blood rushes to my head when I'm awake.

I know now dreams are truly just dreams. 

Fairy tales are not of this world.

Everything thing seems so perfect;

you we're sooo happy!

We were just two sentimental fools 

traveling around the world with our hands together.

See you in the next life..

you keep hurting, I keep quiet.. 5:18:00 PM

Why do i even brother?? you treat me like i owe you a return.. I don't even know why I keep trying to stay on, what's the point? After all that we've been through, you act like nothing has ever happen. whatever fuck happen from now I'm not giving two shits. (or at least i'll try not to) it's just hurting me. To hell with all of you! 

Think whatever you want of me..

Kokomo sounds good now.. 10:11:00 AM

So it's the new year already.. Well there's new worries... hmmm I've been so stress out with this Poly/ITE/Army shit. Right now seriously, I feel like just going in NS this year. At least I don't have to worry about studying and all that crap. Arrrrgh. 

Why oh why?!?! 

Well let's see where the fuck this goes. 

A part of life, a joy to the soul. 4:31:00 PM

Yes we are [friends] and I do like to pass the day with you in serious and inconsequential chatter.  I wouldn't mind washing up beside you, dusting beside you, reading the back half of the paper while you read the front.  We are friends and I would miss you, do miss you and think of you very often.  I don't want to lose this happy space where I have found someone who is smart and easy and doesn't bother to check her diary when we arrange to meet.  ~Jeanette Winterson, Written on the Body, 1992


“Never explain yourself. Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it.”
“True friends are like diamonds, precious and rare. False friends are like leaves, found everywhere.”
A friend will come bail you out of jail but, your best friend will be sitting next to you saying… “Wow that was fun!”

you're the reason. 10:00:00 PM

The year might be over, but I'm still selfish. It really hurts deep inside, for the things you wanna say but will never be able to. Its not a nice feeling, really. I'm still in denial and I'm still part of two worlds.
I wish I didn't have you in my life at all, at least I know I don't have to go through this pain that I think about everyday. Our expressions are like a mask that we wear on our face, hiding the truth about what we feel. Life is too short for us to have pride and ego. 
Well, for what its worth you're just like any other, they come and they go. 


But on the other hand, you're the world to me. I'm so happy down to my soul. The things that you've done, the action that you do, it simply speaks louder. IT'S RINGING IN MY EAR. I'm glad that I have you. I just have to remind myself. :)


I have to stop my wishful thinking; wishes never happens.

Christmas Christmas 9:54:00 AM

First of all, Merry Christmas everyone!! Or Bong Natal to those kristang people out there :)
Man oh man why is like everyone rushing? I'm seriously feeling the Christmas rush hmmm Sharon's surprise party is in like 2 days time man.. I have yet to get stuff and on top of that I'm baking *~*hahaha

Well I can't wait although!!

Love you guys, see you on the 29 whoever you are haha

Christmas's eve's eve 5:52:00 PM

It dosent seem that long anymore eh? I can't believe it the 23rd alreay balls.. No!!! I want my 2009!!

:(

Lies, the one thing that makes you human. 4:02:00 PM

Things are happening so fast nowadays, I'm just feeling a little lost thats all... Hopefully this is not how it ends, because I pictured it ending differently. I wish I could just press the rest button and everything will be good to go, rather than working from my heart inside out..
Currently at Jrmy's place, chilling out. hmmm...

I wish for you...

12 dec 2009 11:49:00 PM

December december, why are you such a junkie? I don't mind mid night video games runaways but i ain't such a hunky. It's creepy when the days are passing so fast when I'm here still thinking about my past. Well oh well December, thanks for making such a wonderful one so far, keep it up. 


with love,
Jude

Music makes me happy :)

:) 11:24:00 PM

Never Shout Never - New Music - More Music Videos

The season of killing! 6:55:00 PM

HUNGRY HUNGRY... Left 4 Dead anyone?? 

JING JING JING 9:38:00 PM

realise 
It's official, Christmas shopping is happening! Hahaha. Well the other day Lilly and I went to town to "look around" and I ended up buying a pair of shoes and jeans that finally fit me!

I so wanted to get this pair of jeans since like forever and its something totally different from what I'd usually wear. Plus they have my size.
:)

  I I have something about shoes... I' won't usually wear them till i feel like using them. Last 2 years I bought 3 pairs of converse and I only started wearing them recently...  hehe.. Well i need to get new footwear soon.

Christmas Wish list,

1. Bed side ipod dock/clock (for my new bed that is coming tmr =)

2. A pack of Dunhill fragrance

3. Jeans from penny

4. Belt

5. RAM

7. New skates (if only... haha)

8. A new coat of paint

9.The biggest bottle of Nielsen Massey Pure Vanilla Extract 

10. Driver's  licenses

I believe the list can go on... haha

CHRISTMAS IS IN 20 DAYS PEOPLE! 20! OMFGS Noooooo... I want my 2009... :(  If only I can keep it eh?

I'm just at home now... was feeling sick for the past few days.. later maybe i'll meet up with jimmy.. see how.. well lilly's at camp.. doing her camping stuff haha...
i'll just be a internet junkie good bye

Hearts.

Nevershoutnever! 5:24:00 PM

My new found Love. (Was just thinking of this song :)' )



Hearts.

November oh November 5:37:00 AM

This weeked was a good one.. Jrmy, rickly, lilly, shern and I went to check out the new left 4 dead game. It was so happening that we went back to play the day after also!! Hahaha

Well was a good week... Been so busy with stuff and Xmas. I can't believe I'm saying this but my army check up I coming soon.. Whooray to adulthood!! -_-


That's all for now..

hearts.

memories 12:43:00 AM

A friend not worth,

is another on this dearth.

A heart full of pain,

you're just to be blame.

A soul that cares,

will never be fair.

Fuck all that have been done

I'll try to overcome.

Cold Cold heart,

who's going to break us apart?

I wish I knew how to quit you.

I'm just a twit that slit.

Hearts.

Tearin' Us Apart 10:43:00 PM

I have officially fucked my life up. Well done me, >>> I just want to run away and start a new life from now on. Anywhere would do. But bullshit. Life is seriously unfair, when you get your taste of it you'd know.  hmmm

Well I guess I can't keep sucking at this moment, I'm just going to deal with the future.


Hearts.

Chasing Pirates 7:12:00 PM

This is the Bitch! :)

On the verge crying. 9:39:00 PM

Seriously Seriously sad right now... It hurts so much when you dream about something and that dream is just taken away from you with a blink. hmmm... I have no other place where my heart wants to go, I'll just let my head to do the talking.

fuck those fucking policy and requirements. There seriously no fucking justice this world.

I don't know why Y didn't come.. 11:47:00 PM

On the way home form jrmy's place.. Meeting lilly girl to get started on school work.. Bus 82
(just using up my data credits)
This is such a nice jazzy night.. Chills :)'

Hearts.

It's wearing me down this holiday... 1:54:00 PM

Heavy rain once again this morning.. Had a massive tummy ache.. :( haha not feeling too well gonna get an MC and prepair for mum's b'day.. Hmmm
HUNGRY!

Something ulgy/cute for you:)


Hearts

You might think I'm incapable of loving a soul like yours.. 9:52:00 PM

On the train now.. On the way home from a long day of adventures. Mum's and dad's birthday is coming up soon.. Gotta get the cake ready and party stuff :)

Well I woke up late, had a bad dream lastnigh>>> than off to meet lilly to grab our baking supplies at the pastry store. After that we chowed down to have dinner at far east.. 0.o

The weather have been great for the past few days.. Not to hot anymore.. Well let's see what school has for me tomorrow.. Having my final test,(I'm going to flunk that btw)
Till tmr!

Hearts.

I want to know what Love is.. 8:23:00 PM

∂ Woof! Woof! ∂
Last night Lilly and I met up with jimmy boy to catch Hurt Locker, It was a good show.. Miss having movie nights.. I have this strong feeling that this november is going to be a month filled with movies and impulse spending. Well once a year is alright right? :)'

"Waddle waddle", Any Christmas tree yet??
Okay it's official (I think) that I'm making Christmas at my place this year on boxing day. Can't wait! (lilly, do the Mariah Carey scream!) hahaha. For the next few weeks it's going to be mind boggling for me, christmas 
planing, savings, baking & 
everything that i love!! HAHA I've always look forward to the end of the year. Hopefully everything goes well. 

Well right now a few more weeks of school and out of college east, going to miss my two years there. hmmm.. never taught i'd see it end.  AND Oh I had a new hair cut and I'm getting used to it.. Lilly's idea.  That's all for now..


Hearts. 

A Monday that I Skipped. 2:07:00 PM

Well I haven't blog for awhile now... Been busy for the past few days.. Happy hallowen, All Saints and souls days everyone.. Yesterday we went to the cemetry.. Was nice.

I'm going to meet Lilian at the polyclinc now, on the LRT.. Write back to you soon :)'

They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. 4:22:00 AM

Jude wish he was;


intelligent, 
beautiful,
dexterous,
assertive,
ambitious,
extrovert,
polyglot,

debonair,

witty,
& knows what to do. 

crazy pool 10:08:00 PM

Just got back from swimming... Dead tired right now, but I hope this saturday won't end yet! Sides was awesome. haha

New York snow 2:35:00 PM

Bored as hell in school, I'm just waiting for my group mates to finish their part than I'll be done for today.. Well the day isn't getting any shorter; Lilly and I have RCIA later in the late eveing. Hmmm Well there's nothing much to blog for today... I stayed over Lilly's last night and had a good time. I can't wait for the weekends, and to start on my projects! :) Jrmy have gone MIA and I haven't seen sharon for awhile now, our timing are messed up.

Well everything is going good in school for now, I just found out today that one of my CA is a fucker.. I can mangae things so far, die die have too.. 28more days till school end!! But they want to cut my hair... :( nvm in time for Christmas too...

Well I'll update you soon... take care!

Question 11a 2:13:00 AM

If;

Tired + Monday = Sleepy
Sleepy + Shower = Hungry
Hungry + Lazy = Tired

Then what should Jude do?

FUCK EVERYTHING! 6:24:00 PM

A huge decision I'm about to make, result: Unknown. 

It comes down to three options, Pâtisserie arts, Pastry and Baking or Cryptographer. Colleges vary from distance, length of course and tuition fees too.  

Every fucking thing seems SO SO hard nowadays. I can cry trying to understand and choose my right path. Questions ponder in me, should I follow my heart or my head?? Is it a logical choice? Is this the right thing to do?  It's just a fucking battle in there. 

Passion versus Talent. 

Friday morning 8:06:00 AM

This week has been rather hectic,  bed time had to earlier; around 9.. Well I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm glad to be back in school... I love the feeling of new challenges and accomplishment that I face everyday. >>> Two more months till Christmas and a brand new year ahead, I too am not quite ready to leave this past year. Alot has happen. Ups and downs, center and side.. haha 

Well let's make the best of out the last few months! 

Airport lunch 12:55:00 PM

Why is every thing so unpredictable now days... A few more weeks and we know it, it's Christmas. But everything seems so strange now days. How i wish October would go by quickly... And this feeling too.

I'm having lunch at the airport now... Kinda bored right now... Just waiting for my friend than back to school till evening...

These are surely one of those dayszzz

A new 16GB added in my life ;) 8:55:00 AM

I'm still in disbelieve that I bought a new phone... Well not just any phone, it's the iPhone hahaha.. Well it's cool... Games and stuff have yet to get covers..

Well I'm in school now just doing nothing, yes nothing.. Hmmm well till then then!

Out Here On My Own 8:13:00 AM

Last night was a blast! Lilly, Ricky, Jimmy and I went to watch Fame because today it's Ricky's 16th!!


Well back to school for me, It's 8:06am now, 2 hours before I go through hell for the next 1 month...
Hahaha, Well let's see the best out of it!

There's something about you I can't let go.. 

You're the most significant mark I've ever seen.

                                     Thank 

                                                                                  God

                                                     It's 

.:FRIDAY!:.

school can suck it, in two days time..

wensday, the eight of october two thousand and nine.. 3:24:00 AM

One of the most hilarious movie of 2009 man.. Just what I needed, a good laugh so hard I fell off my seat in the cinema and not forgetting flying popcorns ... hehehe

Lilly, Ricky and I decided to have a night out... The arcade was cool, and the after movie R&R by the seashore... 

Loves theses days...

A Rush of Blood to the Head? 2:07:00 AM

I can't stop my heart's desires,
is that the way it suppose to be?
A feeling so strong I feel weak inside.
I'd try to fake it outside.
hmmm...

What a Life, Love & Art.

Days like these.... 12:36:00 AM

What a monday to start the week. Pizza the night before, Morning breakfast at macs, i had my mc cuddles hahaha... Anyways it was a really nice day to hang out with jrmy in the afternoon. I haven't seen that fella in the afternoon for so long...

In the evening we went grab dinner at the bakery and some bubble tea, than off to Left 4 Dead! Ricky meet us there and we had a hella of a good time. (minus the toilet smelling part.)

Right now I'm just exhausted after rushing back home thinking it would rain... hmm

Well all in all it was an awesome day, let see what's in stored for tmr! :)

beneath the October stars we hold hands in the cold, cold air. 7:35:00 AM

Tell me how you've been,
Tell what you've seen,
Tell me that you'd like to see me too.
'cause my heart is full of no blood,
My cup is full of no love,

Couldn't take another sip even if I wanted.
My lungs are out of air,
Yours are holding smoke,
And it's been like that for so long.
I've seen people try to change,
And I know it isn't easy,
But nothin' worth the time ever is.


And it's not too late,

It's not too late for love....

Last night Jeremy and I went to catch a midnight movie. We kinda rush like crazy to the theatre to catch a 12 O' clocker... It was kinda my fault because I didn't calculate the timing correctly on the site; there was actually a 2am show also.. :(
Well it was a good show and we walk all the way home! Jeremy's crazy! the night before, after work, jeremy meet us to play ld4 till 5.30am too.. I have on idea how he can manage his sleep. haha..


Now i'm just at home, spending time with family and stuff.. haven't played with benny for awhile now, and I'm going to make pizzas! (In compliment of jrmy's cheese, thx btw)


Till then!

Fame 2009 6:37:00 PM

You're in my dreams.. 10:49:00 PM

As much as it hurts me deep down inside,
I know this is all we can ever be.
I'm not asking for more, I'm just feeling a little sore.
When I think of you my world is in a hurled whirl,
you make me glad when i'm feeling sad.
I wish I could burst out and let you know how I feel, but that would be near anything real.
As it rains tonight, my heart wants me to write.
But how can that be, when my head is in a fight?


Sjwjnt Ubjg Cj Dbrah